For the longest time I was told I wasn’t light enough. I wasn’t fair skinned enough and therefore, not beautiful enough. Okay, that’s colorism that most people - men and women - in the Desi community are familiar with. But get this: recently I’ve been told I’m not dark enough. “For what?” you ask. Not dark enough to have the right to be offended by colorism. Not dark enough to speak out about this issue. Not dark enough to know the pain of others darker than me who claim to have it worse. Well, it’s not a competition people. Colorism is an issue that I have personally dealt with, mostly throughout my childhood, and it has left a mark big enough for me to feel like it’s something I have somewhat of a responsibility to change. And I’ll gladly accept that responsibility and continue to speak out about this issue that is hushed by parents who still cling to that unfortunate cultural “safety” that fair skin provides their children in Desi communities. SO many people are made to feel inferior, abused, harassed, downgraded and bullied because they don’t meet this antiquated standard of beauty and status. So why on earth wouldn’t I do everything I can to change this standard and stand up for anyone who feels like this issue has impacted them negatively??? Speaking out about colorism isn’t about seeking pity or trying to follow a trend - it’s about empowering yourself AND others by letting them know that they aren’t alone and that any amount of pain they have felt isn’t insignificant. By saying someone’s not dark enough for something, you’re doing the EXACT same thing that you faced when you were told you weren’t light enough. Light skin, dark skin whatever - we’re all BROWN. Why divide us further? And why would you ever want to be anything other than what you are? You are beautiful ✌️✌🏻✌🏼✌🏽✌🏾✌🏿
s/o to @sruthijayadevan for undo-ing my writers block on this topic with her post 💕
Raise your hand if you’ve ever been personally victimized by an Aunty for being too dark 🙋🏽♀️
I certainly have.
Thankfully my Mother raised me to embrace the sunlight and vitamin D that my generation so desperately needs, and I grew up watching her tell family and friends that the skin color of her daughters is PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL. Imagine that. Your non-indian Mother going head to head with her Punjabi in-laws questioning their standard of beauty. It’s always scary to be the first to make change in a generation where such things are so normalized. Well I don’t want to be part of a generation where this is normalized. Brown is beautiful - and you can quote me on that. So bring it on, Aunties.
TOP - TJ MAXX
JEANS - BERSHKA
HEELS - TARGET
SUNGLASSES - TARGET
LIPLINER - RIMMEL - RAVISH
"You're not Indian"
"You're not Guyanese"
Believe it or not I get this all the time. From friends and strangers - they’re constantly telling me I’m not Indian or I’m not Guyanese. Well I’m both by the way… For people of mixed decent this is something that happens frequently. For some reason people feel they have the right to decide what category we fit into in their eyes, and they expect us to agree with them. But no one has the right to tell you what you are. No one ever knows your full story. Just because someone else’s experience was different from yours, doesn’t make theirs wrong and yours right. They’re simply different.
I wanted to start posting about more personal topics on my Instagram and blog for a while now... but I never knew what to start with. I knew I feared criticism from others, but the truth is, there are always going to be people who disagree with you.
So I decided to start with the topic of multiracial people since it's something that's not talked about much and I can heavily relate to. Most people are only familiar with the issue in the terms of things like 'bi-racial' people (mostly black-white mix) or 'inter-religion' marriages. I hesitate using the word multiracial in this post because I don't even think I'm considered multiracial by definition. But that's the part I don't get. I am Guyanese and Indian (Punjabi). Although much of Guyana's population came there from India through indentured servitude, my Guyanese heritage is by no means the same as my Indian side. But that's a rant for another post.
What is the issue I'm talking about called? Well I don't really know of a name associated with this issue but it's almost like a kind of racism or discrimination. Racism defined by the dictionary is "prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior."
So yes, I suppose it could be called racism. *edit: it's called internalized racism*.
My Mom once told me this story about a time when she was giving me a bath when I was a toddler. She asked me something like, do you know where our family is from? And I said, "of course I know! You're Chinese and Papa's French!" Ahh innocent children and their lack of a concept of race. Wouldn't the world be so much better if we were all like that? Devoid of stereotypes that essentially allow us to categorize people into racial and ethnic groups just from their appearance?
Later I learned I am half Guyanese (Mother's side) and half Indian, Punjabi, (Papa's side). I specifically remember having a realization sometime around middle school when I thought, "wow Guyana is in South America, that mean's I'm from South America! That's pretty cool. I don't think I know anyone from there!" I couldn't be more proud of both parts of the world that I come from.
** Let it be known that I know many people would say I'm just American because I was born here, in NYC. But I disagree - you are where you come from. You are your background and traditions. You are your heritage and ethnicity. You are not the location you were born in **
Unfortunately being mixed isn't always as glamorous as it may seem. There are a lot of issues that come with it that no one thinks about or talks about. The most obvious - being told what you are and what you aren't. Like I said, I get this ALL the time. I made a YouTube video a few years ago that was an 'Ethnicity Tag,' which is basically answering questions about your ethnicity. The questions were innocent, nothing controversial, and I was about 19 years old. You can still find the video on YouTube today. I talked about things like the food I eat at home, what languages I speak, and my favourite traditions. But the video was met with some HARSH criticism. Granted most of the criticism came from my remark about not having been to Guyana since it's a third world country and it's harder to travel to. Well it is a third world country and it is not easy to get to or get accustomed to - so that's the end of that. But the rest of the criticism was directed towards me, mostly questioning my heritage. Some people said I'm not Guyanese, I'm Indian because I look more Indian and I've been to India. Some people said I'm not truly Guyanese because I don't know anything about the culture. Some people said I'm just Indian because Guyanese people are from India. Some people said I'm not educated.
One person wrote : "India and Guyanese no offense to you probably the worst mix I've heard of. You need to do more research on you're GT side though. However you look straight up Indian."
That comment was a whole slew of racial bias.
Some people said my Mother didn't teach me anything. That I'm not Guyanese and that I'm disgracing their culture. Most people questioned my Guyanese side since apparently I look "straight up Indian." *rolls eyes*
Most of the people making these comments were Indian or Guyanese. I still wonder to this day why someone would so publicly hate on someone of their culture. We're all brothers and sisters, all siblings, even more so when we share an ethnicity. In fact the fact that everyone is basically your 'uncle' or 'aunty' or 'bhai' or 'didi' is a cultural norm SO integral to BOTH the Indian and Guyanese cultures. I would know - I'm both.
Unfortunately, this kind of internalized racism is not unknown to me. It is something that I have seen growing up, especially among Indians. The best example would be the classification of North and South India. Yes, they are pretty distinct and the classification serves as more than just a internalized racism enabler. But from what I've seen, so many Indians say "I'm from the North not the South," or vice versa, with a kind of disdain for the other half that makes me wonder why there are still civil wars in the world. And god forbid you mistake someone's state of origin within India. I see less and less of this as I get older and my generation loses some of the older close-minded traditions, but the internalized racism still persists in other ways. And don't get me wrong, I've seen plenty of this from Guyanese as well.
I will never forget this. One day I went over to a friend's house after school and her Grandparents were staying at her house. She is Indian, Gujurati more specifically, and was a pretty close friend of mine. When I walked in I politely introduced myself to her Grandfather and he started speaking to me in Hindi. I said "I don't speak Hindi" in Hindi - yeah I also think it was oxymoronic of me - and he looked over at one of my friends and they said "she doesn't speak Hindi" in Hindi. Then he finally got it. He looked back at me, furrowed his brow, and scoffed. Not even trying to hide it. "That was embarrassing," I thought. I was pretty used to that kind of treatment at that time. I was pretty old, maybe in 10th grade of high school. But that time it was just so in my face, I couldn't brush it off. "I'm Indian too!" I wanted to say. But I didn't say anything. I had learned how it went by then.
My entire life I had gotten this kind of treatment, especially from elders. Sometimes even from my peers. I think I'll write about that in another post. Elders would constantly talk to me in Hindi, and I would respond in English for the most part because I could understand enough - just not speak Hindi. But most of the time my English responses were met with confused Aunties and Uncles quick to ask someone who I was and why I couldn't speak or to just vacate the conversation all together. I would get a lot of judgmental questions about why I couldn't speak Hindi or Punjabi if I was Indian. Apparently being half Guyanese is not a good enough answer. A lot of people just didn't believe I was Guyanese because I looked so Punjabi. "At least one side wants me," I once thought. This was harder for my Sister since she doesn't quite look completely Indian or Guyanese. People asked about my parents, why they didn't teach me, where each was from. My Mother was met with countless questions about why she didn't learn Hindi or Punjabi after marrying my Father, why Guyanese people don't learn Hindi (which isn't true), why she didn't enroll my Sister and I in Hindi school, followed by disapproving looks and not so subtle gossiping.
Now this is not a grudge I hold against people of my own cultures. Why would I further this internalized racism? It is something that I have personally experienced and been offended by on many levels. Maybe you may not understand this issue specifically, because many are fortunate to never experience it, but it's the same thing as being left out. Everyone has felt that at one point or another. Whether it be having sat alone at lunch during high school, or not being part of a study group in college, we have all felt it. That kind of exclusion and discrimination cuts deep - especially when it comes from people who are supposed to be YOUR people. So I've decided to start talking about this more, because I'm sure there's at least one person in the world who can relate and I want them to know that they're not overreacting or being too sensitive. They're not supposed to change for those who won't accept them. As long as they know who they are and where they come from, that's all that matters.
Hopefully this has been less of a rant and more of me sharing a bit of my life story with you. I am going to continue to write on this topic as well as other aspects of my life and post it here and on my Instagram. Let me know what you think in the comments section and be sure to share any similar, or different, experiences that you have had! I'm always here to chat :)
As my first official post under the 'food' category on my blog, I've decided to share my recipe for vegan Animal-Style Fries, to promote healthy eating of course. HA! Just kidding. Let's be real - vegan's love their fast food and junk food just as much as anyone else. But the thing that I love the most about being vegan is that giving into those cravings isn't as much of a guilt trip as it would be if I weren't vegan; because chances are, the non-vegan alternative, would be much worse.
** to make this I was inspired by recipes online and I used pre-prepared items to make the process easier - yes this is perfect for my fellow students who dorm **
** the pre-prepared items can be subbed for your preference - these are just the specific brands I used **
INGREDIENTS
FRIES
ALEXIA ORGANIC YUKON SELECT FROZEN FRIES W/ SALT (1/2 bag)
24 MANTRA ORGANIC CHILI POWDER (2 tsp)
EXTRA VIRGIN OLIVE OIL (2 tbsp)
KIRKLAND CALIFORNIA GRANULATED GARLIC (3 tsp)
* add more salt to taste *
CHILI
VEGAN GROUND BEEF (~ 6oz)
CHOPPED RED ONION (2 cups)
EARTH BALANCE VEGAN BUTTER (3 tbsp)
GRANULATED BROWN SUGAR (2 tbsp)
SEA SALT (1 tsp)
SAUCE
EARTH BALANCE VEGAN MAYONNAISE (1 cup)
HEINZ SWEET RELISH (1/4 cup)
HEINZ KETCHUP (2 tbsp)
BRAGG APPLE CIDER VINEGAR (1 tbsp)
FRANK'S RED HOT CHILI & LIME (2 tbsp)
ONION POWDER (1 tsp)
CHOPPED CHIVES (2 tbsp)
RECIPE
I chose to use thin cut fries so that they are more authentic and I find them not as heavy on my stomach when I'm eating fries with so many toppings. Pour about half the bag of defrosted fries into a large mixing bowl and add the spices accordingly. Then add the olive oil and mix the fries with your hands to coat them evenly with seasoning. Spread them out on a large non-stick baking sheet and follow the instructions on the bag for temperature and time requirements.
While the fries are baking, melt the butter in a pan until its hot but not burning. Add the onions and sauté for around 10-15 minutes or until they become clear and brown around the edges. Add the salt and brown sugar and stir to coat evenly. Lower the heat and let the onions caramelize slowly for about 20 more minutes. Make sure the onions don't burn!
When the onions are nearly done caramelizing, add the pre-prepared vegan ground beef. These are typically pre-cooked and only need to be seasoned and reheated, so be careful to not overcook them. Add more sugar or salt to taste.
Combine all the ingredients for the sauce into a bowl and chill until ready to serve!
Assemble the fries with a bit (more like a mountain here) of chili and sauce on top and serve with a fork and extra sauce on the side! ¡Buen provecho!
